sobriety808:

I want to be significantly graphic

Bewildering. Proactive.

Strip for me. Get naked.

Bare with me your secrets.

Let me kiss you where it hurts tonight.

Strip for me tonight.

Show me, love.

Strip away your insecurities

Let me appreciate them

Strip away your pain

Oh let me kiss your scars

the feelings that i thought subsided

are back again

words

how can i fall for words

as if they do not form lies

i have no trust left to give

yet my heart cringes in a painful delight

when you proclaim your liking for me

but that’s the problem

see 

the key word there is liking

not loving

i have enough people around who apparently like me

who is there to love me

in the way that i need

that i well deserve

i’ve been lying awake at night

tossing and turning

turning and tossing

in an attempt to find answers

to unasked questions

i am at battle

mind vs. body

if only i could sleep

i would’t have to think

but my mind refuses to let up

and you creep in

wanting a piece of this war

wanting to be apart of anything related to me

somehow you know

that the best way to get to me

is through me head

and now it is you who is keeping me up

thinking about you

the

who’s

what’s

when’s

where’s

& how’s

comes storming in

full attack

as i stare through the glass window

and look out into the city night

i wonder how i let myself become this way

again

after telling myself that i’d

never

happen

again

it has happen

the feelings of being

unhappy

confused

torn

regretful

used 

and alone

i said it’d never happen

again

when i woke this morning, i saw no protesters

the sun was shining bright and the temperature permitted summer attire 

i didn’t plan on going shopping until my next paycheck

but life is short so what the hell 

purchased a fun day pas and hopped on the blue line

went straight to Francesca’s, a cute little boutique in Wicker Park

due to my brokeness, i purchased only a pair of earrings

i spotted a caribou coffee shop and bought the most disgusting something i ever tasted, threw it away

i then went to Reckless Record and got myself in trouble by buying for cds (shanice; a 90s cd my mom owned and i feel in love with as a kid. be-common, even closer-goapele and i made a mistake and purchased some cd when i wanted an atmosphere cd)

because im a sucker for a good deal, i found dvds that i wanted as well (juno, the ugly truth, gone with the wind, king king and due date, each for thre dollars or less)

i definitely have a problem

on my way back to the train, i stopped and got my palm read

an experience indeed

back in the loop

i picked up some more music from harold washington to burn to my computer

spending the remainder of the evening watching one tree hill

she asked if i wanted the good or the bad

i said everything but concluded with the good

i was told that i will live a long life, after 88

she said that their are people in my life that i need to let go of and they are holding me back.

my job doesn’t make me happy and i should look elsewhere

and to also save my money because in the next 6 years i will own a buisness

she told me that she sees that i have a big heart and it gets taken advantage of

she then asked me who it is in my love life that is sending me mixed signals

said that i shouldn’t let him confuse me and that he isn’t the one

it’s fine to date but this is the time i should devote to myself 

august will be a good month for me as far as finances and relationships go

and that i would be getting support from family during this time as well

says she sees one marriage without a divorce as well as three children 

a relationship is in my near future but the kids are further down the line

Too much of a person is never good. I need to learn how to speak up.

it might be the drugs

regardless

i like this feeling

i can catch you in lies

cause i mean you must be lying when you say that you miss me

it has to be some kind of twisted mind game you’re trying to play on me

because if you missed me as much as you claim

you would make time for me

or time to talk at the very least

but you put in no effort

none

so it must be lies

it has to be

and the worst part about it is

i had gotten over you

completely 

but then you had to come at me with this 

all these lies

this just proves that we can’t be anything

not even friends

nothing 

at

all

ever

i hate facebook

but this time around

i won’t have anything to do with dramatic people

not just anyone will be friends with me

no bull

There are things that you do and say that bugs me. Yet i don’t voice my discomfort. I think it’s fear. Fear that if i open my mouth to speak. To say how i feel You will shut me down And cause this to be over That’s the last thing i need to happen.

$50 iTunes card

$25 gift card to Target

$15 gift card to Chic-Fil-A

&&

a digital camcorder with an 8gb sd card

i swear when i enter drawings, 

i never win

so this was a total shock

i’m happy and all

and grateful of course

but it hasn’t taken me out of my mood :/

i really have to the urge to runaway.

to no particular place.

just far away from here.

as i sit and think about what i’m running from

i realize that it’s all my fault.

the people that walk all over me, 

i let them.

procrastinating with my school work,

i allow it.

these boys that play with my emotions,

i wear my heart on my sleeve.

guess running away from these issues won’t help at all since i’m the problem.

i just need it all to be over. 

it will be soon. 

but not quick enough.

men.

i mean you act as though you are interested 

just to go nowhere with it?

were your intentions to play with my emotions?

or did you decide to look elsewhere?

and they wonder why i’m single and have never had a boyfriend

because guys like themselves come along

then they walk away

without reason

or

rhyme 

however

i am no longer putting myself out there with you.

i have initiated the majority of our converstations lately 

and they haven’t gone anywhere.

maybe you caught me at a bad time

but i can’t put time & energy into this

and continue to get nothing back.